Then went downstairs and continued life as normal in front of your parents.

So this time came. And I am horrifically absurd of my reaction to it. This wasn’t the first time I did it wrong. But half the time, I handled it very smoothly and flawlessly. Not even leaving a mark of any feeling into it. But “I badly fell”. Fell in love with some one. Whom I shouldn’t be minding anyway. I am not exactly sure about what I really feel but it hurts me when I see him happy with his some one else. He was actually my former boyfriend. We’re in the same barkada. And his family knows me to well, seeing me as a family member when we get together on their place.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just confused or whatsoever. Cause it was been a week or so when me and my boyfriend saw each other and I’m wanting this feeling of his presence for so long that maybe I just burst out that feeling to my “ex” making him my shock-absorber. Maybe because he was the one there who made an effort when my boyfriend does not. I had his presence when he does not. And specially he treated and care me as his girl when he does not. He was there all along. Through my ups and down. We (our barkada) discovered things together.  And we all know each others attitude too much as an advantage to it. BUT NO, this is all wrong. I knew all along that this is wrong. First of all, he has his girlfriend. Who was really sweet and pretty. Second, I shouldn’t make my long distance relationship an excuse or rather an advantage for me to cheat behind his back. Third, and the most important. I should have not bring a more-than-a-friend status back again on our barkada. So now there’s this little gap. And a not-to-be-talked-about topic. About us.

I wanna move on. Yes, it didn’t make sense. Because there’s nothing to be moving forward about. We didn’t have a relationship either. But what I’m really hurting and confused about is why am I so affected. When I see him giving an effort to his girl. Then ignoring me. Not having a straight and formal conversation with me. When he was there talking to everybody except me. Maybe I just have to accept the fact that he is now happy with someone else. That I had my chance already but screwed it away. He was chasing me back then but then now I’m the one losing. I have to let go and reiterate the cycle of moving/accepting. In time I may know why. I may seek forgiveness from above. But these ache I’m having right now emotionally, is like dying from a repentance for cheating. 

Maybe God has to set it this way because he wants us to be together.

“As Friends, where forever is more possible.”